When you’re a student of successful living, you don’t have to go far for your next lesson.

Each Food Court I visit presents an intriguing array of choices. There’s always a McDonalds or a Burger King (sometimes both). These chains don’t even make you say the name of the food you’d like. You can just say “Number 4”, so as to minimize any amount of human contact you’ll have with the heavily pierced High Schooler who’s about to screw up your order.

Perhaps you’re the kind of person who’d like to host a mini World’s Fair in your mouth. Try a bit of international flair by ordering the sweet and sour let’s call it pork from Panda Something. I’ve also heard the falafel balls at Shawarma Sam’s are quite tasty. The less adventurous can always choose a grinder, hoagie, hero, or sub from the regional sandwich shop. Take a quick look around and note the choices you have.

Now it’s time for the lesson. While you’re considering your options, take a broader perspective and think about your overall selection process. What considerations are influencing your meal choice?

Some examples may include:

• I’m in a hurry. I need something fast and where the line is short.
• I’m health conscious. I need a calorie-friendly option.
• I work at the mall. I’d rather eat fiberglass insulation rather than any of these again.
• I’m on a budget. I need something affordable.
• I had Italian for dinner last night. That one’s out.
• I want something that doesn’t suck. I need a high quality option. (We’re leaving.)

The very act of consciously and explicitly considering your strategic thinking may be a Food Court first. Most of the time, we go by gut (no pun intended) and are basically on autopilot when it comes to making this type of a choice. We consider what we want to eat―but only so much―and then we’re off again.

The exercise of consciously considering your decision process translates very well to other parts of your life. The reason is that all human behavior is goal-oriented. It’s just that many of those goals are selected at a level somewhere between autopilot (“digest falafel”) and subconscious (“play Angry Birds because I’m bored and avoiding the real world”).

If you’re a number cruncher, think about the week that was. How much time (in hours) did you spend on your most important personal goals this week? These would be the goals are so important to you that you’ve written them down and have developed at least a loose plan to achieve them. For many of us, that figure’s about as small as the number of restaurants that passed health inspection on their first attempt.

The good news is that the number itself isn’t as important as the realization that next week’s number can be even better! By bringing conscious choice to the forefront, you’re in a much better position to accurately assess your options and your activities. You can choose to pursue constructive activities and not those that simply kick the can a bit further down the road to “My Best Self”.

Choose to pursue activities that support your personal goals and before you know it, you’ll be awash in achievement. Just be sure to wipe off that bit of duck sauce before you leave the table.

As a long-time Cape Codder, I’ve grown accustomed to packing up my family and heading to the beach.

It was New Year’s Day, and I was determined to flip the calendar in an emphatic fashion. This may explain how I found myself at the beach on a cool winter day wearing nothing but a pair of swim trunks and staring out at icy ocean waves. There was a nip in the air. (Two, in fact.) The sand that scorches my overly-sensitive feet every summer was now freezing them into numb, painful blocks.

I was well aware of the “Polar Plunge” – a sensational event where people of questionable judgment head to the water and immerse themselves with an icy dunk. It always seemed like fun, but I’d never actually tried it myself. I’m not about to let 2012 be a year of “what might have been” when it holds so much potential to be a year of “what got done”. I had to plunge.

Since earning the title of “Father of the Year” is not one of my 2012 goals, I issued my icy challenge to my three unfortunate children. My twelve year-old daughter and ten year-old son answered the call. My youngest daughter – clearly the brains of the operation – declined instantly. Fortunately, our faithful chocolate lab pup happily took her place.

It was time. I let out a shriek that was half adrenaline and half fear. “Let’s go!” We made a beeline for the water. The rule was simple: You had to go all in. This isn’t a year of dipping in a toe or wading in up to your waist and calling it a day. This is 2012. It’s time for us to make our stand.

I bounded into the water and dove in headfirst. A chilly rush of excitement and pain seared my brain. I attempted a stroke or two, but my normally poor aquatic skills had become even more inept. I stood up in the shallow water and threw my arms up in triumph. I felt alive. I felt renewed. I felt frozen.

I huddled with my chilly children in celebration. We toweled off and put on warm dry clothes. Our pooch went back in the icy water 10 more times, thus proving that it’s impossible to experience brain freeze when you in fact have no brain.

The adventure only lasted an instant, but the New Year was officially off with a brrrr.

This brings us to a much more important subject: Your 2012. What are you going to do to send yourself a clear message that it’s time to get to work on your goals? You have the opportunity to draw a figurative line in the sand that says, “I have a whole year to accomplish some really great things – it starts now!”

Thankfully, you don’t have to expose yourself to hypothermia to get the party started. (Exposing yourself is entirely optional in 2012.) The key is to make the mental leap to a constructive, determined mindset. You can accomplish some really amazing things in a year. Don’t let a moment of it slip away, never to return.

I want you to have a fantastic 2012. I want you to dream big dreams and set big goals for yourself. This year, I want you to be optimistic and inspired and confident and nervous and consumed and brave and energized and determined. I want you to be at your best – nothing less.

As always, you’re welcome to share your inspiring 2012 kickoff ideas, dreams, goals, or challenges with me at anytime at mattyp@goalsgonewild at facebook.com/goalsgonewild or by tweeting me @MattyPhD. We’re all in this together.

I wish you success in this New Year, and thanks so much for letting me be a small part of it!

Tufts nailed it with this commercial that shows how it's easier to make excuses for why we're not doing something than to actually following through. Hey, we've all been there. If you're having trouble gettin' it done:

1. Ask Why. Reflect on why you want to experience the benefit of the effort. Think of your better health, your shiny new job, or whatever it is that lies on the other side of your effort.
2. Ask Who. Think of other people who might benefit from your investment. If the gent in the video did exercise regularly, he'd likely come home with more energy and a better attitude, which she'd certainly appreciate. If you won't follow through for yourself, will you follow through for someone else?

As the late, great Jim Rohn once said, "Doing the right thing is easy. Doing the wrong thing is even easier."

1. Keep. These were the essentials I didn’t want to leave home without. Examples: Driver’s license, ATM card, photo of Martha Quinn.
2. Hold. These were important items, but ones I didn’t need every day. Breaking these out on occasion would be fine. Examples: Credit card, frequent flyer cards, foreign currency, stamps.
3. Toss. These were items that had long since outlived their usefulness. Old receipts, a sandwich punch card from a restaurant that had gone out of business two years ago, photo of Nina Blackwood.

This purging process got me thinking about how easy it is for us to unconsciously accumulate needless things over the years. Lately, I’ve been thinking about time and how there never seems to be enough of it. Could I examine my regular habits and time expenditures in light of these same three buckets?

Indeed. A few quick findings from my life:

1. Keep. Exercising - I’ve been working out fairly regularly, and it feels great. I definitely want to continue to make time for heart and health.
2. Hold. Thinking about the future - I’m naturally wired to have a future orientation, but I’m also prone to spending too much time on what might be (good and bad). Better to spend a smaller amount of time dreaming and planning while maximizing the amount of time I spend in the here and now.
3. Toss. Frivolous web browsing - I find that the web’s greatest power – the hyperlink – is also its biggest pitfall. I’m too-easily distracted by a catchy photo or headline. These often lead me on a series of trivial pursuits. Trivial Pursuit, of course, having been created in 1979 in Montreal, Canada. (Damn!)

Carrying excess items in my wallet and in my daily routine both led to a minor pain in my butt. Fortunately, I found that a few minutes of reflection and a willingness to let go have restored a bit of order. Now my wallet is a bit leaner and meaner, and I’m more focused and effective as well. I just hope the changes I made last longer than my photo of Downtown Julie Brown.

Try it for yourself and see if you have similar results. Go ahead and reach for your wallet, handbag, or murse. You might be surprised what’s in there. I urge you to press on and do the work of thinking about other parts of your life and where you can toss things that are simply unnecessary.

You and I have big plans, so we have to travel light in order to reach our destination.

If my Neanderthal email-based approach seems too "2010" for you, feel free to check out Catch.com's free I Journal app. Or go analog and jot down your Daily 3 in a real live paper journal. (They still make them. I Googled it.) The point is to take a moment every day (for me, first thing in the AM) and make a note of those big or small things you appreciate in life. It may sound simple, but after only a week, I feel that I've already begun to open up to the positive possibilities around me. Thanks to a recurring Google Calendar alert, I hope to stick with my happy new habit.

Want to give it a go for yourself? HMU (Mom, that means "hit me up") on the GGW Facebook Page and let's compare notes on our experiences. Best wishes for your advantageous happiness.

This past weekend, my family and I traveled to Minneapolis, Minnesota to attend Capella University’s Commencement ceremony.

• Vision – You should have a clear idea of what you’d like to accomplish, otherwise it’s difficult to get started (or to know when you’re finished). Having said that, I favor a fuzzy vision over waiting for 100% clarity, since it’s often easier to refine along the way than it is to get started in the first place.
• Planning – You need to have some idea about how to get from here to there. It’s much easier and safer to identify challenges and potential issues in the planning phase. You don’t need too much detail, but a set of sequential steps with meaningful milestones can make all the difference.
• Attitude – High achievers have a constructive, positive, and optimistic outlook nearly all the time. Stay focused on the yummy goodness that’s tied up in your goals and not the occasional crapitude you sometimes experience in the real world.
• Resources – Almost all goals require resources. These can include time, knowledge, skills, financial capital, and usually some combination of several of these. Be realistic about what resources you need and commit to finding their sources early in the process.
• Contacts and Support – Can we please move past the self-made myth? Everybody who has achieved something cool has had help along the way. Don’t be shy about meeting new people, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.
• Commitment – If you have a big goal, prepare to pay a big price. You have to be committed to achieving your goal, since you’re likely going to face a series of setbacks along the way. Be determined to succeed. Just as a parent wouldn’t love a child with half a heart, you shouldn’t pursue your goals half-hearted either.
• Flexibility – No amount of planning or experience will guarantee a predictable outcome. You will likely have to adapt your plans and your actions at some point. Don’t let a few course corrections dissuade you, since they often lead to an even better outcome in the end.
• Willingness to Change – The more aggressive your goal, the more likely you’ll be faced with the need to change in some way. It’s been said that personal growth happens when we venture outside our comfort zones, and I believe this. Developing new skills, attitudes, and behaviors can be unsettling, but you can endure for the sake of your goals and the benefit their achievement will bring you and those around you.

Don’t worry if you’re missing one or more of these key ingredients. The important thing is that you recognize that there’s a lot that goes into successful goal attainment. Make it a point to go and get what you need to succeed. Having all the right ingredients makes all the difference.

I enjoyed my visit to Minneapolis and its historical mill sites. The visit gave me an opportunity to reflect as I closed out my six-year pursuit of my academic goal. By the time I finished, I had met scores of helpful new folks, stretched myself in many new skill areas, and ended up taking a path I didn’t exactly envision when I started. I brought many key ingredients with me when I began, and I made certain to pick up everything else I needed along the way.

Now it’s time for me to channel my inner Mr. Chute and develop a new vision for my future. If you’re in the early stages of defining a goal pursuit, I encourage you to “go big” as I plan to do. If you’re further along, congratulations and keep at it!

Whatever your goal, you can persist, adapt, and succeed just as countless others have done before. As always, if there’s any way I can help – regardless of what stage you’re in – don’t hesitate to let me know.

• Love Them – Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, Mr. Deeds, 50 First Dates, Grown Ups
• Leave Them – The Wedding Singer, Big Daddy, Spanglish, Anger Management, The Longest Yard

Now this list may tell you more about me than Adam Sandler, but that’s not the point. In some movies, Adam has been at his best and in others, not so much.
 
I find that a similar storyline unfolds for me every day: I’m either “at my best” or “not at my best”. This realization got me wondering, what determines whether the world gets my best or something less? And more importantly, what can I do about it?
 
It turns out that a very simple exercise can frame answers to these very powerful questions. Wanna see it?
 
Directions: Choose three words or phrases that complete each statement.

When I’m at my best, I Act this way:
When I’m at my best, I Think this way:
When I’m at my best, I Feel this way:

Now before you gloss over this call for self-reflection, let’s review a few fundamentals.
 
First, the world is a pretty tough place right now. With so many day-to-day challenges, it’s essential that each of us bring our best selves to the party. If everybody could do this, we’d all experience a much different reality both in our interactions with each other and with the outcomes we’d collectively deliver.
 
Second, we’re each 100% in control of whether we’re at our best. Sure, external situations and influences play their part, but we choose our responses, our actions, and our attitudes. This isn’t Vegas – we’re allowed to stack the deck.
 
Just today, a friend of mine shared an example of this. He recalled how he had been working with his coach when he had to sheepishly tell her that he hadn’t followed through on some commitments he had made to her (and more importantly, himself) related to his job performance. She replied, “You haven’t been keeping up with your spiritual reading, have you?” He wondered how she could’ve known that, but this coach knew well enough when her client wasn’t at his best (and why) and what the consequences might be.
 
So it’s the spirit of self-understanding and deck-stacking that I’m asking you to go back and reconsider putting pencil to paper and completing the above exercise. (If the answers don’t flow freely, you may need a more regular diet of personal reflection since you’re unlikely to be at your best if you don’t know what your best looks like in the first place.)
 
Here are my own responses to the exercise:

When I’m at my best, I Act this way:
I exercise in the morning, I help at least 3 people in some small way every day, and I ease off the adult beverages at night so I feel great the next day.
 
When I’m at my best, I Think this way:
I balance short term and long term planning, I remain open-minded and invite possibility, and I focus on solutions rather than problems.
 
When I’m at my best, I Feel this way:
I’m optimistic, I’m confident, and I’m compassionate.

These responses capture the conditions that put me at my best, and the best news is that these are entirely in my control. Some days I do better than others, but the formula is right there for me.
 
If it helps, think of yourself as a screenwriter working on a blockbuster script that describes how great your life can be. You’re the hero/heroine at the center, and while the world swirls around you, you remain in total control. Heck, you can cast Mr. Sandler to co-star if you’d like (and if you can afford him).
 
If you haven’t felt “at your best” lately, don’t settle and don’t hope things turn around on their own. Speaking for the citizens of the world, we want to see you at your best. Before you get carried away, this isn’t an entirely selfless sentiment. We also want to benefit from the positive effect your best will have on all of us. So go for it!
 
Answering three (not so) simple questions may not get you a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, but I guarantee that it will be worth the time and effort. For all of us.
 

Recently, I returned from a lovely two-week family vacation to France.

Over the course of the week, my family and I took several “mini-trips” – half-day excursions to various attractions and eateries around the French countryside.  We visited castles, caves, markets, historic sites, vineyards, and other interesting places. It was great fun to explore for a bit and then return home for exquisite food, wine, and conversation.

While the trip offered copious amounts of rest and relaxation, one adventure provided a lesson in personal development that was too important to pass up.

One morning, we headed west toward the city of Bordeaux. My trustworthy GPS mumbled French street names as I drove through the winding hills that permeate the Dordogne River region. We had rented the largest SUV we could find. In Europe, this meant a Ford C-Max that was roughly the size of a Volkswagen Beetle. No matter. The two-hour drive was pleasant enough as we took in the scenery.

We had gotten off to a bit of a late start, so we arrived in Bordeaux around 11AM. We hadn’t had breakfast, but we were eager to see the sights. We decided to compromise by finding a quick bite and a nice cup of café before launching into our day. We parked the car and found a restaurant that looked quite nice. We were seated at a table on the patio, and we settled in for what promised to be a brief but delectable snack. Our waiter quickly emerged with a stack of menus.

“Do you speak French?” he asked. This was a fair question, as we were clearly from out of town.
“No,” we replied, somewhat apologetically.
“Why not?” he shot back. “When I am in America, I speak only English. Why do you not speak French?”
Sacré bleu! My worst fear has been realized. We had found the only rude waiter in all of France.

The experience went downhill from there. When the waiter realized that we were not interested in a traditional French 16-course lunch complete with 7 different foie gras dishes, he was clearly “in a mood”. He disappeared faster than Gérard Depardieu’s hairline. We were left to wait. After more than fifteen uncomfortable minutes, we decided to cut things short, settle up, and move on. He and his mates had a good laugh at whatever he said to them as we departed. A blotch of gray in what was otherwise a sunny day.

After a few hours of sightseeing, it was time for a proper lunch. Now I was “in a mood”. I bristled at the prospect of being harangued by Jean Luc’s cousin who would undoubtedly be working at the next bistro we chose. Surely word had gone out that there were Ugly Americans in town – cowboys who don’t understand the obvious difference between a Bar, a Brasserie, and a Bistro. (Um, the spelling?)

Even so, we had to eat. I drew a deep breath as we approached a sidewalk restaurant.

In front of the eatery, a portly Frenchman approached us. (Here we go.) He looked us up and down and asked, “Americans?” (Take a deep breath.) We quietly nodded to the affirmative. His face lit up, he threw his arms open wide, and he pointed to the US Flag emblazoned on his Ralph Lauren Polo shirt. “Hey!” he beamed. “Here you go! Welcome!”

As it turns out, this guy was the best.

He started with our drink orders. When my father ordered a beer, our new friend pretended to pull out an imaginary tape measure. He stretched it across my father’s shoulders. “You are large, so a large beer for you, right?” I’m a bit of a dandy, so I ordered a San Pellegrino sparkling water. He looked me in the eye and started making a “blub-blub-blub” sound with his mouth. I couldn’t help but burst out laughing. He even posed for pictures with us. He made us feel really comfortable, and we had a great time. Throughout the meal, he and entire waitstaff were courteous and entertaining, as was reflected in their tip at the end. 

Two French waiters. Two totally different attitudes. Two totally different experiences as a result, and two totally different outcomes for the waiters themselves.

I’ve come to realize that the best attitude I can have is the one that helps those around me be at their best. We choose our attitudes in life, so I find it most constructive to choose one that helps rather than harms. This isn’t an entirely selfless act, of course. I find that people reciprocate with me when I’m at my best, so in my mind this just makes good practical sense.

Whatever the situation, you’re always in control of your attitude. You always have a choice in what you (ahem) bring to the table.

• When things are going well – Don’t bogart it. Let the good times roll and let your goodwill become contagious. You may be able to lift another person’s day just a bit, so pass it on. I promise you it will always be worthwhile.
• When things are going badly – Try to let it go. Whatever the situation or offense, you’re still in charge of your reaction. Let’s say somebody made fun of your hairline, for example. We don’t need to get lawyers involved, do we, Monsieur Depardieu? Likewise, you can be the bigger person and stay upbeat. 

Earlier this week, my wife joined her cousin on a week-long trip out of the country.

I figured that spending a week as a full-time dad would be a cakewalk. It’s not as if I’m lacking qualifications. I’ve been a parent for almost 12 years, I’ve had more than 25 years of schooling, and I served 6 years in the US Marine Corps. I should think I can handle AM/PM Drop-Off and piano lessons. I imagined my kids would benefit from – and dare I say, even appreciate – my task-oriented focus, organization, and well-intentioned discipline. 

She was gone about 10 minutes before I realized how wrong I was. Long story short: her job is tough; kids are not rational, programmable, or Marine-like in any way; and I was clearly overmatched. Fortunately, the experience came with a lesson I hadn’t expected.

At one point during the lunch-making phase of my newly devised 14-step morning routine, it was time to make the school lunches. “We don’t have anything to eat,” my trio chimed in unison. Hmmm. Running low on supplies. Nothing a trip to the grocery store can’t fix. Sheer genius. I grabbed a pencil and paper and began to make a shopping list. 

My governing style is that of a de-mock-racy. My kids like to think they have a vote when it comes to househould matters, and I like to think that I’m the boss while my wife is away. Neither of these is true, of course, but we all play along anyway. Feeling particularly benevolent that day, I asked them what they’d like me to put on the shopping list.

Some of their responses included:

• Crackers, Goldfish (Extreme)
• Applesauce, Motts (Strawberry Banana)
• Cereal Bars, Special K (Chocolate Drizzle)

Apparently, my kids have a very refined palate. These struck me as very specific choices among a seemingly endless variety of given products. I asked if I had to get these exact items or basically the same ones. Judging from my daughters’ groans, this apparently confirmed everyone’s worst fears: I was a total moron.

My son stared intensely into my eyes so that I would fully appreciate the gravity of his words. “Not just any Goldfish, Dad. ‘Extreme’ Goldfish.”

“Okay,” I whispered as I slowly backed away.

I decided to take a peek in the cupboards to see if there were other supplies we might need. (More Scotch, for example.) As I rummaged the shelves, I was amused to find Goldfish crackers (Extreme), Strawberry Banana applesauce, and Chocolate Drizzle whatevers. These kids were already sitting on a goldmine (or at least a goldfishmine), and they didn’t even know it.

I realize this vignette may not come as a total surprise. They’re just kids, right? They can’t be expected to keep detailed records in these matters. However, let’s not be hasty and chalk this situation up to child’s play. I’ve since discovered that there’s a deeper lesson here. One we can apply in our own pursuit of personal success.

Recently, I was reading Deepak Chopra’s excellent book The Soul of Leadership. Like many personal development books, Chopra includes a number of thought-provoking exercises. I was particularly intrigued and challenged by a series of questions related to creating one’s “Soul Profile”. One of the self-reflection questions Chopra posed was:

“What are my unique skills and talents?”

At first, I drew a blank. I have skills, right? I must. But would I say they’re “unique”? There’s only one me, so they must be unique, I guess. Why is this so difficult to answer? I know there are things I’m really good at doing, I just can’t think of them right now.

It’s like I was unable to locate something I knew was piled high in my personal cupboard.

As it turns out, this “don’t know what you’ve got” experience is pretty common. I often ask people to tell me about their best qualities, their most significant accomplishments, or other constructive characteristics. Too many of us don’t regularly acknowledge or appreciate those things that comprise our “best selves”. Too often, we downplay our strengths and best qualities. Too often, we overemphasize our limitations and areas where we need to improve. In doing so, we fail to take advantage of what we already have in a way that could help us become even more successful in the future. That sucks worse than Crackers, Goldfish (Plain).

This week, I’m asking you to rediscover your best qualities. Don’t be shy about recognizing your own greatness. I promise you, it’s contagious! Draw your best qualities out of your personal cupboard – choose 3 to start – and think about how you’re putting those qualities to good use in your current goal pursuits. If you uncover an opportunity to make some changes to better take advantage of these qualities, all the better!

Speaking for the rest of us out here in the world, I’ll tell you that we need the best you have to offer.  Don’t bogart your best self! Don’t keep your best qualities and talents hidden away from the outside world and even from yourself. Acknowledge your proudest moments and your greatest gifts.

These qualities represent the foundation of your unique brand of successful living.

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Top performance requires that we keep our top qualities top of mind
and choose goal pursuits that fully express them.